I find that lately, every time I’ve felt anxious, the best way to fight my nerves is to write, mostly essays. I write about the things I think about, and it helps me cope. I find that the best way to enjoy something is to pick it apart. I think that it shows acknowledgement for the people that create things, it is important to remember that people make the things we love. I want to write video essays, but I haven't finished anything. I don’t think my writing is good enough, but you have to start somewhere! I want to write to clear my head and understand my own thoughts and feelings. The only way to understand your emotions is to work through them. That's the hard part about being human.
Writing has been what I’ve spent a lot of my free time recently, but it's also been hard. I’ve been more insecure than ever about my writing. My spelling and typing skills make me feel quite sad. It feels impossible to change, and I dont think people understand how much it hurts to love something so much, while also struggling to make it. Writing is hard for me. It's an insecurity of mine, and everytime I do it, I am forced to confront an unpleasant part of me. I want my writing to be perfect, but it isn’t, it will never be.
It's how I express myself, and I feel most like myself when I am on paper. It doesn’t feel like a performance like talking does. It feels real, very real. Writing is something I have explored for most of my life, but I think being in college, a new environment, has inspired me more than ever. Being in a new environment has had me trying and thinking more than ever. It feels like my world is changing for the better, and I’m just afraid that I’ll stay the same. I want to be a new version of myself, and maybe writing will help me. I know I’m different, everyone is. I know there's a disconnect, and maybe writing can fill it. I want to be a better me in college. I want to make friends, fall in love, and share my art. It has to start somewhere, and I’m hoping it's here. I feel like I’m being pushed towards the edge of my future away from friends and family. I have to confront the future at some point and that's going to start with sharing this piece of myself, my writing.
Writing is what I do when all I can when my thoughts overwhelm me. It's a struggle, but writing and reading have always been how I explore my inner and outer world. I hope to improve my voice, and to use it as a tool to change something. My life, others lives, maybe the world? Who knows, maybe my writing will never leave my google docs. I just want to try, that's where every good writer starts from.
Add comment
Comments